Love Unconditionally! I think it would be easy for a child to feel that love from others is conditional. When a child shows an excellent report card to their parents they will hear accolades. A poor report card may result in discipline. When they do a great job cleaning their room they will hear wonderful compliments but if they did a poor job they need to go back and finish the job. Deep down some children may feel they need to do good things to gain love from others. To counterbalance this preconceived notion I am intentional with my love. Here are five methods I use to show unconditional love:
- Our words should build a child up. The power of the tongue can create confidence, hope, joy, and growth if used positively. Unfortunately, the tongue can be the catalyst to depression, discontentment, or a poor self-image if used negatively. Teachers, parents, counselors, relatives, and role models have the power to help mold a child into who they will become. We need to be accountable for our words and speak life into our children.
- Love through actions as well as words! Spend time together, write little notes, carve out time for special activities. Actions make one feel chosen. Being chosen makes parents love feel authentic. I remember when I was a kid and they would choose teams for a sport and hoping I wouldn’t be chosen last. The relief of being chosen by a captain was huge but sadness for the last few was tremendous. We all want to feel chosen. When we spend time with our child we are choosing them over other responsibilities or pleasures. Let’s make our children feel chosen!
- Love even when you don’t want to! A child that is strongwilled, independent, or lacking my values may be tough to deal with at times but I will continue to love without reservations. I remember one cold winter morning my 3-year-old wanted to wear tennis shoes instead of boots in the snow. The morning rush is intense when you need to get five kids to school. I was frustrated because she was so adamant about her choice of footwear. I gave up then I gave her a coat to wear and she chose a different lighter jacket. I explained she needed to make sure she was warm at preschool. Again very adamant she had the best choice. I didn’t want to raise my voice at my daughter because that is a personal goal I was working on mastering. I turned and left the mudroom and slammed the door. I was clearly frustrated! Suddenly I hear my kids screaming water and I opened the door and the water filtration system had fallen off the wall and the water lines broke off and water was shooting everywhere. Unfortunately, I didn’t know how to turn the water to the house off. As a result of me losing my temper and slamming the door, I spent hours fixing the problem and missing MOPS. As I was mopping and vacuuming up water I continually thought about how I needed to show unconditional love to my independent child. My prayer at times has been, “Help me to see my child as You do. Help me to love my child as You do.” It may need to come from the strength of God not my own. All things are possible through Jesus (Phil. 4:13).
- Discipline without shaming. Your goal is to help your child to make better choices when you discipline. Be careful you are not tearing them down for their actions but rather give the power to be successful next time. The Nag-Free Project is great at taking the conditional love out of discipline. Here is the video for that approach.
- Help your child to understand God’s love is unconditional. So many people interpret a relationship with God simply means following rules. Legalism is another term for this concept, which is far from correct. God loves us so much He sent Jesus to die for us so we could be in a relationship with him. God wants our love. He has chosen us. He loves us even when we reject him. As parents, it is tough to be rejected by your own child but we still love them with our whole heart. (Ephesians 1:4-6)
Loving unconditionally helps build a strong foundation in our children. If a child doesn’t feel unconditionally loved they may not be at peace. They may search and search for unconditional love. As parents, we can help them feel secure and loved no matter how they behave. Love even when you don’t feel like it!