The challenge of getting your child to apologize is real! Not only apologize but to feel it at a heart level. There are a few steps I walk my children through to help them to make a genuine apology and a behavior change.
Step 1: Ask them to apologize if they don’t freely do it on their own. This is the beginning of behavior change but some kids need prompting. Even if someone gets hurt and they didn’t do it, I encourage my children to say sorry and help them feel better. It shows that you care and that you have empathy for others.
Step 2: Help your child to understand the impact of their behavior has on others. Explain how behaviors hurt others and ask, “How would you feel if someone did that to you?” If the person they hurt is available I have them express their feelings. This can make a huge impact when it comes from the person who was hurt.
Step 3: Find a replacement action that is appropriate. I ask my child what they feel would have been a better choice. Role-playing the expected positive behavior can make an impact as well. I oftentimes talk about consequences from school or the law, with my older children. For example, if my child punched someone, I explain that it’s assault and if it was in school you would be suspended from school. The police can arrest people for assault. It would go on your record and remain with you for the rest of your lives. Every time you apply for a job or rent a house a background check is made and your future employee would see you have an assault charge. I want my child to understand the impact their actions can make on their lives and their future.
Sometimes repetition of this process for the same actions may need to be made until they understand. Empathy for others should be a big goal in order to make a behavior change. The younger a child understands this process the easier it will be when they are older. Enjoy this stage! Soon they will be thanking you for all of your interventions. Love those kids!